I've learned so much, realized so much in the time I've spent here. Never before have I needed to analyze and try to explain to others things about myself and who I am. Most of those questions, I still have yet to unravel the answers. I'm getting there.

I am Chinese-Filipino, a Filipino citizen with Chinese blood. Am I more Chinese or Filipino? Where am I from? What am I? Never before have I needed to thought about my ethnicity and race, never before have I been questioned. All my life I went to a Chinese school, where everyone was in the same boat. All my life I lived in the Philippines, where it is not uncommon to see a Chinese-Filipino walking across from you. Which outweighs which?

I am Roman Catholic. I believe in God, and love him with all my heart. He's my savior. But how can I justify his existence? Why do I pray every night before I go to bed? Why are there poor people, war, tears, anguish, and desperation in this world if we have a God? Why don't he just unleash his 'power' and save us all? Why do I believe?

What are considered 'right' and 'wrong'? Everything is based on a standard, but even standards are different. What is used when? How do you know?

Welcome to the land of un-homogeinity.

Those aside, I really love my university. I have my downs, but I know they're just there to make me fight- to make me reach my full capacity. I am a fighter, and no matter what I don't give up. Social wise, I think I've gotten the hang of the system. Or maybe I've devised my own, one wherein I am confortable in it. I believe in my priorities, and opportunity cost. No need for further explation, just do the math.

Next semester? I'm planning on taking Biology II, Chemistry II, French II, Biology Lab II, Squash, Writing about Places, and University Choir. I'm really excited, and I love that I can choose all of my classes, no rigid structure to determine your life. Independence. Yeah, I love independence. So me.

Independent Reese. I like it. :)

Wesleyan

I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.


It's hard transitioning into three things at the same time: living in new country, getting used to college, and getting accustomed to being away from your loved ones. I'm not saying I don't like it here; i do, but the atmosphere here and the culture here is very different.

Magsasalita muna ako gamit ang Tagalog, kahit alam kong di gaanong kaganda Tagalog ko. Grabe dito, mga tao sobrang liberal. Kanina nga lang, nagtanong ako sa isang junior transfer student galing sa Jesuit university if talagang liberal and politically correct in general mga tao dito, or sa Wesleyan lang. Sabi niya, lahat daw talaga ganon, pero sa Wesleyan ibang level talaga.

In a way though, it's fun and enlightening because I get to sample different perspectives from people from different races, backgrounds, countries, and states. Sometimes I agree with them, usually I don't, but the great thing about here (I'm speaking about Wes right now, 'coz that's all that I know of at present) is that people respect whatever you believe in.

Pero seriously, ewan ko lang kung nasa utak ko lang, pero minsan feeling ko may pagka-racist minsan mga tao dito, even subconsciously. Ewan, di naman sila sinasabi out loud pero obviously mas prefer nila makipagkaibigan sa mga kauri nila. Hindi naman sa ayaw nila saamin, pero preference lang talaga. Well actually ako naman prefer ko rin kasama mga internationals, pero I feel like may konting divide here talaga between them and us.

Believe it or not, I'm in a Catholic Retreat right now. Five of us came from Wes, and then around nine from Yale. I met some cool people here, and it just feels good to have some time for myself for a while. Minsan kasi, talagang pinapahalagahan ko alone time ko. I like to just lie down on my bed, read a book, think about life, do whatever stuff to occupy my (scarce) free time. Pero in a dormitory, parang lahat ng free time ko kinakain ng hanging out with friends. Ok naman siya, it's fun I admit, pero minsan nakakamiss din yung nakaupo ka lang nang walang ingay. So this Retreat is so calming, so rejuvenating, a very well needed break.

Pero actually, ang fail ko. I brought two textbooks and a binder folder to this retreat, thinking that I might get some work done. I had a three hour break today, and I haven't even cracked open one. Partly because the atmosphere here is so relaxing, and partly because I'm so worried over Ondoy. I can't reach my family until now, and I'm so worried. I know my place in Sta. Mesa is easily flooded, and I hope they're okay. I'm praying for them right now here at the retreat.

Okay, to my academics. I'm taking Biology, Chemistry, French, German History, Chem Lab, and Bio Lab. Please don't say that my subject combination is weird. It is, actually, but I love all my subjects. Three days a week I have half-days, and then one ends at 4 pm, the other at 3 pm. Seems great right? HINDI NOH. I spend most of my free afternoons and evening studying, doing assignments, reading, and the like. It's worth it, because I really love studying about subjects that I'm passionate about, but I miss sleep. That's why I'm always excited for the weekends.

Now I can't think of anything else interesting in my life right now. I guess I'll end it at this, and just add next time. Toodles! :)

2:49 AM ·